Joy....and flying....(vulnerably)

"What is joy?
It is a bird
That we all want to catch.
It is the same bird
That we all love to see flying"
- Sri Chinmoy

I've had this aching.... burning desire to write for the past couple of days.
My hands have literally been twitching at the thought.....

I wonder if this happens to anyone else out there.

I've fought the urge to write, though, because of fear......silly fear.

I'm afraid of releasing things into the universe sometimes......even though I often preach about making positive waves....I've found that I have somehow programmed myself to believe that if I talk about the greatness and the joy, that somehow, I will be jinxed.

This, ladies and gentlemen, makes me a big fat hypocrite.

And so in the spirit of practicing what I preach.....I shall write.

I will release the positive....as well as the negative.....because there is not one without the other.

Recently, I've read and heard people talk about the power of vulnerability.

I have been impacted deeply by the thought that having the courage to live vulnerably can completely alter the way you live, the way you love, the way you  impact others, and controls how wide you open the door to the universe.

From vulnerability comes the idea that failing and making mistakes is the norm...and it allows you to truly LEARN......to continue to learn...without limits.....without judgment.

From vulnerability comes the opportunity to live wholly.....to live genuinely............honest....light.

Over the past few months, I've been forced into a state of vulnerability....this feeling came without premeditated thought or pretense, and for this, I am eternally grateful.

It has been through this state, that I have met and formed bonds with truly amazing people.
People who have opened my eyes, who have been kind, who have scared the shit out of me....people who have supported me...who love me.....without judgment...or ulterior motives......people who fit.

People who fit....perfectly.....each in their own special -puzzle-piece-sorta-way, some have even shown me more kindness and blind faith than I have ever seen in my entire life.
Eternally grateful.

I went for a run on the beach the other morning....as the sun played peek a boo with me....one eye at a time....smiling at me from just underneath the sea...as I sat down to taunt the playful sun, I had the strangest, overwhelming feeling of joy and sadness and love and peace....something I have never ever felt in my entire life.......and I began to weep.

I looked around as tears fell....to make sure no one was around...and I wept.....cried like a baby...... and they were tears of relief....of mourning.....of fear....of concern.....of happiness.....tears of joy.

And right there, on the sand.....through tears and snot and sweat....I watched the sun....and I thought of Krishna.

Krishna is often depicted as a trickster, as a child, playing the flute....eating butter...smiling, mischievously....
.....and I imagined Krishna taking the form of the sun....and he was there....mocking me...and reminding me that, in the end, through all the pain, and the confusion, there will be tears. Happy tears.

And then I began to laugh. Like a lunatic.

So the whole point is, that every single bread crumb......every single speed bump (however big or small) has a purpose......and every single being, idea, action.....is a bridge....a bridge towards the sun.

Towards the light......towards Krishna....or God....or the universe.....or......

And you are too......so, it's okay to be bummed....and it's okay to feel joy....and to fly....to be vulnerable...and light......

And the search continues......through happy tears....

Eternally.

Grateful.