Detachment. And liver.

"Those whose consciousness is unified abandon all attachment to the results of action and attain supreme peace. But those whose desires are fragmented, who are selfishly attached to the results of their work, are bound in everything they do."
Bhagavad Gita

A few years ago, I recall preaching detachment to a good friend of mine who was training for a marathon.
Telling him that the whole point of living fruitfully is enjoying the process more than becoming overly concerned with the outcome, that surrendering to detachment would bring him a newfound appreciation for the present, and on and on...providing nothing short of another Ali-rant...
To which he responded, "I'm sorry Ali, but I don't enjoy the running, the entire time, the ENTIRE time, the only thought that crosses my mind is: "When? Will? This? End?"

While finishing a run or a race has always felt great and provided a huge sense of accomplishment, I was always one to love the actual process of running more than anything else. Even when I was on mile 11 of 13 and every muscle, bone and hair follicle hurt like hell, I’d remind myself that I was racing, that I was running free, that I was healthy, I’d look around at my surroundings, cheer for other runners, pretend to be racing against the person in front of me and scoot up next to her until I’d pass her (sometimes), I’d think of Magda and know that at that very moment, I was there, running free, without a care, and that she was running scared. And I’d run faster and harder, and push, and keep thinking about her until before I knew it I was on the last stretch of my run and I’d storm through the finish line, enjoying every single second as it happened.
Running always provided me with a perfect opportunity to practice detachment from outcomes and to let go of attachment altogether.
Because in the end, I had to go through the process in order to reach the result and truthfully, the end never belonged to me anyway.
It never really does.

Everything can change.

Or.
It can all stay the same.

The magic is that we never know.
And so isn’t attachment to outcomes counterproductive?

For most, including myself in more recent months, becoming detached from the result in important situations can be really, excruciatingly difficult.
Especially when those outcomes can change your whole life.

My question is, couldn’t ANY outcome essentially change your WHOLE life?

Think about it.
ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.
AT ANY POINT.

If this is true (which it is) why is it SO hard to be detached?
Why are we so selfish and consumed with the product of our work? Why do we feel the need to hold on? To claim? To pronounce? Why do we feel the need to be certain? Why do we believe in faith? Why do we clench onto things so tightly? Why do we tear ourselves apart to make the right choices for “ourselves”? Why do we spend so much time watching ourselves agonize and argue and analyze and think?

The only answer I can come up with is…..
Fear.

Recently, a friend of mine asked me to name one thing that I’m afraid of.
(Like Spiders..not like a nuclear holocaust)
And of course, my brain automatically went to extremely frightening, deep-rooted, complicated thoughts as opposed to fear of eating certain foods, or jumping out of airplanes….
But after a while, I came up with the fact that if I had to choose one food that I can honestly say I’m afraid of eating, it would absolutely positively be liver.
I. Am. Most. Definitely. Afraid. Of. Liver.

Fear is a fucked up thing.
It is debilitating.
It is paralyzing.
It consumes.
And convinces.
It fights and fights making conquering it nearly impossible.
We all have it.
Most of us are guided by it.

I, personally, have a strong desire to kick it in the balls and watch it cower down in front of me as I have done in front of it so many times.
But, that’s just me.

So, how, does one kick said fear in the balls?
And doesn’t relinquishing attachment to the outcome go hand in hand with this task?

I mean, be cautious and use your brain….like, don’t go eating spiders, jumping off of an airplane, while telling your boss that you’re quitting your job and moving to Fiji, or anything….but I keep telling myself that if I detach (more than just a little), if I trust myself and my gut, and if I grow some balls (figuratively), then maybe conquering certain fears will become a reality.

For now….

I’ll consider the eating liver thing.