Yogi-Nemesis

So there's a yoga teacher at the shala that I have tried to avoid at all costs.

It's hard to put my finger on it, but I took her class a couple moths ago, and there is something....

…..something that just rubs me the wrong way about her.

To clarify, she is a great teacher.

Well versed in the asanas and the anatomy, has relevant and insightful spiritual topics that she touches on throughout the class, she smiles, plays good music, and laughs, and jokes, and encourages, and pushes.

Overall, she knows what she's doing and she fills her classes.

But there is this little nagging pinch inside of my stomach that tells me something....something is just not right between us.

And so ever since I stumbled upon her class, I have tried incredibly hard to avoid it.

I double, triple check the schedule to make sure I am not taking her class, I rearrange meetings and dates so that I can attend earlier or later classes, I wake up extra early and cancel important events so that I can intentionally take any other class that isn't hers.

Funny things happen when you try to avoid certain people.

I would say that nine out of ten times that I’ve tried to take another class, "she" would be subbing "at the last minute", or "covering because the assigned teacher was stuck in traffic", etc.

I would try excessively hard to stay away and somehow always found myself facing her.

Divine intervention.

Or something like that.

Reluctantly, I would stay and ignore the burning in my tummy. I'd focus on tending to my own practice while pushing aside the overwhelming feeling that made me want to start screaming and take off running  in the middle of class.

I came to the conclusion that something wanted me there…that there was a reason why I had to be in her class. There was something in her class I had to learn, something I had to hear her say…..there was a reason why I couldn’t get away from her.

It is believed that what we don’t like about others are the exact things we don’t like about ourselves.

That we see the reflection of our very own negative properties through other people.

It is also believed that every single person, whether you believe them to be positives or negatives are strategically placed in your life at the precise moment in order to remind you of a lesson- some important, others trivial, all of them vital.

“According to Plato, we don’t learn anything. Our soul has lived so many lives that we know everything. Teachers can only remind us of what we already know.”

Interesting.

So here I am, covered in sweat, and my yogi-nemesis teacher approaches me to tell me that my toe placement is wrong.

As every muscle in my body is shaking, as she has made us hold warrior III for what seems to be an eternity, and my quads burn like hell, she repeats “your toe placement is wrong….shift your weight forward.” I think: “I used to TEACH toe placement, lady, I know where my weight should be distributed, I know these things already, and I know my posture is fine.” And I can feel the burn from my thighs crawl up in through the lining of my stomach and the only thing I want to do is grab my mat, throw it at the wall and leave. Because I know….I am right.

As I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, beet red, legs shaking, arms shaking, I realize that my toes, are in fact, pushed too far back. And that I do, in fact, have to shift my weight forward.  Shit.

And in the matter of seconds, I realize that it is my very own arrogance that I am reflecting onto the way my teacher tells me to alter my pose. I swallow. Sweat drips from my nose.

As the redness dissipates from my face, I shift my weight forward, and my heart calms.

Just like that.

She is me. I am her.

This is the yoke, the connection.

Yoga.